Surreality and a Sailing Metaphor

I really had no intention of writing another blog entry until I arrived in Japan, but as much if not more for myself than others, I am feeling really compelled to reflect on some of the strange emotional twists and turns I've taken over the last few days and beyond.

As I prepare to board a plane for a faraway land in a little more than 24 hours, I think I am experiencing a mix of surreal disconnection and very real emotions. Maybe this mix has been around since I found out I was moving around the world, or maybe when I moved back to Ohio. I don't know. Regardless, it is a new and exciting feeling, if not a tiny bit bittersweet.

In the last month, I have said more goodbyes, been part of more hugs, and had more conversations with strangers who know far more about me than I know about them than I ever remember. It's not a bad feeling, to know that people are thinking, praying, and in general supporting my decision to follow a call. For the most part, I feel more encouraged and empowered than I could otherwise be walking into the unknown. At the same time, though, there is a sense that the encouragement, prayers, and thoughts remain distant... Not because the people that surround me are emotionally distant or insincere, but because it is as if the support I have is on the horizon of my life.

Pardon the metaphor, but my life has become a bit of a sailing expedition. I am constantly moving toward the horizon, never quite reaching it, never quite knowing what lies ahead. Behind me, the same horizon hides the sight of what was familiar, and I do not have bread crumbs or a string left behind to draw me home. Yet I know that just beyond the horizon, I find support from those around me, both here in the US and around the world.

Meanwhile, I find that I have a Provider sailing with me who has been where I am going and where I have been. My Provider carries my map and compass and directs me and tells me when to adjust the sails. The Provider assures and reassures me that this course has been traveled many times before. Most importantly, the Provider reminds me over and over again that despite my novice, proper provision has already been made for the purpose of my journey. I just need to continue to pay attention to call of the Provider who not only has been where I am going or from I have come, but is presently with those who sent me and with those yet to receive me.

Though I have felt a little distant from people over the last couple months, I know that I have been blessed with the presence of a Provider who has enriched my experiences with my friends and family while I'm in the comfort of my home, my community, my friends. I have been brought closer to those I love despite the reality of my imminent departure. I have tried to remain as connected to people as possible as I prepare to leave, so though I am more sad feeling like I will be leaving a life behind, I also find myself snapping to my senses and realizing that my life is not limited by my location. The language or culture or food around me may change, but my Provider, the one who sends and lends support, reminds me that the people over the horizon aren't as far as they might appear.

I am also reminded as I sit and reflect that though the course is different for each person, we all are on a journey destination unknown by us. So I suppose instead of feeling distant, I should begin to appreciate that I'm just the dense person who just recently realized he's on a boat alongside everyone else.

Well, I think I have sufficiently decompressed for the evening. I still feel a little sad, though it tends to be overtaken by the excitement of upcoming change, and I can now at least put a drawn out, overly complex metaphor to the feelings that have been stirred in me. I blame seminary.

One other quick aside: I have just recently returned to the letters of Paul as I prepare to go to Japan, and tonight's thoughts lend, for me, new insight into the intimacy of his experience with each of the churches with which he spent a considerable amount of time. He left and arrived many places many times, and in the personal addresses within the letters, we modern readers can catch glimpses of the specific relationships that accompanied letters I feel we often only see for the messages they bring to churches as a whole. It's kind of exciting to imagine! (I just readjusted my seminary nerd glasses!)

ANYWAY! Hopefully next time you hear from me I'll be around the world and a little less verbose! Maybe I'll try and put my first video together... We'll see.

In the mean time, peace.